The secret to happiness

by 27 Jul 2021

Today, we’re talking about happiness. I think that it’s something that we can all relate to: we all want to be happy right? But what is it to be happy? What do we truly want?

When we say that we want to be happy, in fact what we really mean is that we want to feel good. So when we say that we want to feel good, what we mean behind this is that we want to get positive emotions. We want to feel positive feelings. So we want to feel: loved, free, empowered, fulfilled, hopeful and content. We want to have a strong bond with people around us and have a life filled with comfort, joy & passion. We want to feel sexy, funny & confident.

Table Of Contents

  • Happiness: the pursuit of positive feelings
  • The link between our thoughts & our feelings
  • Any situation is neutral
  • Does your thought serve you?

I. Happiness: the pursuit of positive feelings


What we need to understand is that when we say that we want to be happy, in fact we’re seeking for positive feelings. So if there was a genius that would tell us: “don’t worry, your life will be filled with all those positive emotions” then our life’s circumstances would not bother us. Any circumstances would not be important, to us (because we’d know that no matter the circumstances, we’d end up feeling good). Do you follow me?

So we can say that we’re not in the pursuit of happiness but in the pursuit of positive feelings. What is really important to understand is that everything that we do in life, like everything, isn’t for a situation, for someone or for an object that we desire but for the way we think we’ll feel after we get it.

II. The link between our thoughts & our feelings


This pursuit of positives feelings drives all actions of our lives so for example if I want to buy a house it’s only because behind the house what I imagine is:

  • a feeling of comfort & safety
  • a feeling of relief
  • Freedom, appreciation, pride, investment…etc.

Therefore what is important is the link between what we think (our thoughts) and how we feel (our feelings). In fact, any situation in life is neutral. We feel the way we feel only through the filter of what we think we’ll get with a situation or an object.

III. Any situation is neutral


I might want to buy a house because I believe that I’ll feel more free, safe and comfortable with it but you/someone else might think that the same house is a huge source of stress & responsibility. So the house is nor positive or negative. The house is just neutral. It’s what I repeat to myself about it that makes it a pleasant or unpleasant desire.

Example 1: “Owning a house would be such a great achievement and investment for my potential family”.

Example 2: “Owning a house would be such a source of stress, commitment and responsibility. House = loan to pay back therefore less holidays”.

Everything is a matter of perception regarding the sentences we cultivate in our mind.

IV. Does it serve you or the opposite?


For a house, it’s just a matter of choice but when it becomes more interesting is in situations like: someone who wants to open their own business. We have two people with the exact same situation: they are opening a yoga studio. At the beginning, they don’t have many clients.

1st person thinks: “it’s a complete disaster, I don’t have enough clients therefore I won’t make enough money, maybe I shouldn’t have quit my job!”

2nd person thinks: “It’s only the beginning, I don’t have many clients but that’s normal and with all the spare time that I have, I’m going to make sure that the few students that come feel supported, helped and welcomed. I might give them extra time or attention so that they feel like coming back and talking about the studio to their friends and family”.

We understand that depending on what we cultivate in our heads, our actions will line up differently. Obviously, if I repeat to myself that it’s ok not to have many clients and that I’ll take very good care of the few that I have, then my actions will be more favourable for the future of my business and my success.

Implementation

  • What is the filter that you want to see your life through?
  • Are you aware of what you’re thinking most of the time?
  • Do your thoughts support your dreams and projects? Or do they hinder them?

Let me give you a very powerful exercice that you can implement easily alone: everyday for at least 5 to 15min set a timer and write down the flow of what you think (without overthinking it). Just write down the thoughts that come to your mind. I suggest you to buy a nice journal so you feel like doing it. At the beginning, it will be hard and your mind will probably resist this process. However, over time you’ll be able to just easily write down your thoughts without overthinking it. This is a very powerful way to become more aware of the thoughts you cultivate in your inner world and shed light on what you want to keep or get rid of.

Feel free to comment and let me know if the exercice helps you 🙂

Hi I'm Marion

I’ve created ‘The Inside Guide’ podcast to explore yourself. The aim is that you understand more about what’s going inside you, so that you can take real actions to be happier and create your dream life.

personal development coaching

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